Self doubt has been a big topic between my friends and I lately. We’re all doing things like applying to grad school, asking for job promotions, and launching our own stuff which can be tough. Social media sometimes gives us this perfect image of women that makes it seem like everyone has it together and is doing big things. I see y’all doing big things so I know that part is true but nobody has it all together. Even Beyonce is going through her own shit so how can we expect to be perfect? I’m going to share some of the things I think about (or am reminded of by the amazing people in my life) when I’m on the verge of throwing myself a pity party.
The Internet Is A Highlight Reel
You aren’t seeing the full story so don’t ever think for a second that you are. I know that I’m guilty of only putting the good stuff online because sometimes I feel like I can’t be vulnerable with the public. Back in the day I shared more but now, the trolls are out of hand.
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and I saw so many people saying they were jealous of other people’s relationships which I find pretty insane. You don’t know what these people are going through behind closed doors. I always joke with people that the only way you’d ever hear about trouble in my marriage is if I end up on the 9 0′ clock news. I was raised to keep my business in-house and I know other people feel the same.
Don’t covet other people’s relationships or material possessions because honestly, you don’t know how much it really costs so you can’t be sure you’re willing to pay the price.
We’re all struggling with something.
Maybe I’m crazy. If you aren’t struggling with something raise your hand. I’ll wait.
Every single person that you see sharing their highs on social media has their lows. People who have great blogs and big numbers get rejected by advertisers or don’t get invited to events. Girls who you think look perfect have body insecurities. It’s crazy because when we’re in our own heads we seem to think everyone else is doing better than us when in reality we’re all just living.
If you don’t try you won’t fail but you won’t succeed either.
I have so many things I want to do over the course of the year and a lot of it terrifies me. I get so caught up in all the pieces and the vastness of what I want to accomplish that I start to feel like I can’t do it. I mean, how can I, right? I’m just a first generation college student from nowhere South Carolina. I shouldn’t dream so big.
When I start thinking like that I have to literally snap myself out of it because that’s insane! My family did not sacrifice for me to be out here acting like a punk. As a matter of fact I’m pretty sure I have at least of few aunts who would tell me to square up for being so stupid. ????
I like to remind myself that I’m going to fail at some things and do well with others. It’s ok. If I don’t try I’ll always wonder what would have happened if I had just taken the plunge. I don’t want to live with that regret. Do you?
You are more than your career.
Career this. Blog that. Coach this. Monetize that.
It gets so overwhelming. You are more than your blog, job, or career aspirations. You’re a full person who might not even know what you really want yet. Go a little easier on yourself when it seems like everything is against you.
I know you have a destination in mind but don’t forget to enjoy the journey or else you’ll arrive feeling empty.
Being jealous of another person’s success won’t do anything for you.
I started this community because I want to support minority women but I can admit that I’ve seen a peer accomplish something and go, “why not me?” I have to remember that she put in work. Black and brown women are doing amazing things and we can all win in our own way. Supporting my peers can only help me. I’ll receive that positive energy back twofold and I’ll see someone who looks like me succeed. Jealousy won’t serve me. Especially if I’m so busy looking at other people that I forget to look at my own shit.
You have so much to be grateful for.
Take a moment to really think about your life. Think about the amazing people around you, the fact that you have internet access, you can read, and all those other little things you take for granted when you throw a pity party.
I practice gratitude every single day and I challenge you to try it. Tomorrow when you wake up start listing all the things you’re grateful for. Start with the fact that you woke up and go from there. I bet life won’t seem so bad after that.
How do you stop your pity parties?