Borrowed Time Wasted

The older I get the more I realize how much of a commodity time is.  I celebrated what most people would consider a milestone birthday a few months ago and it made me question how I’ve been spending my time on earth. I think I’ve accomplished a lot for someone my age, but when I consider what makes me happy as a person and what my true passion in life is I realize that I’ve actually wasted a lot of time.  I’ve done things the traditional way so to speak. I went straight to college after high school, and after graduating from college went to grad school. I never developed a clear path of what I really wanted out of life.  As a kid I thought my goals in life were to go to school, get married, start a career, and raise a family but now that I’m an adult I’m not sure if that was the best route for me.

Last year after working two years in my field I found myself unhappy and unfulfilled. From the outside looking in you would have thought that I had it made. I had my own office and I was the youngest person working in my department. What many people didn’t know was that I was still living with my parents because I was drowning in student loan debt and my salary was only affording me enough to cover my bills, loans and have a little money left over for leisure.  This was definitely not the life that I envisioned at almost 30! I decided to quit my job and I moved to a new state so that I could take the time to find out what my purpose in life was. This past year has turned out to be one of the hardest years of my life because I’ve struggled financially, mentally and I’ve gone through a spiritual change.

Since I quit my job I haven’t been able to secure any professional job in my field and I’ve literally been working jobs that you don’t even need a degree for. I often times question if I made mistake by leaving my job but I know the struggle is only making me stronger and preparing me for my big break. Although this year has been tough I have definitely grown as a person. For the first time in my life I can actually say I know who I am as a person and I’m secure with my beliefs.  I’m starting a new career path in writing which is something I’ve always enjoyed doing but never considered turning into a career because growing up I was told it would be hard to make a living in that type of industry.

Since I haven’t been working in my field I’ve had more time to devote towards my passions. I interned with a film and media company in South Carolina and I also launched a joint blog with my twin sister called the “Double Scoop”. Since launching my blog I’ve made so many connections and have been presented with opportunities that I never would have thought possible. One opportunity is being able to co-host a music podcast in Atlanta with my sister and another opportunity was being able to write a pilot script for a potential television sitcom. The pilot may not get picked up but the fact that I can actually say I wrote a script is amazing!

Starting over can be so frightening especially when you don’t know what the outcome will be but I would rather take a risk and fail than to have never tried at all. As I get older and begin to see loved ones pass away I realize that we don’t have forever and that’s the bitter sweet part about life.  Life is just borrowed time; time that once it is gone we will never get back. That’s why from this point on in my life I’m utilizing my time in a way that is purposeful, meaningful and that brings me happiness.

My advice to anyone wanting to pursue their dreams but are scared of what the outcome will be can be summarized in this quote by Norman Vincent Peale : “Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you will land among the stars.