What Your Friends Won’t Tell You About Your Situationship

So many of us have been there. Being involved with someone but not quite in a relationship and not quite just friends either. It looks, feels and walks like a relationship but the title we tell ourselves doesn’t matter is nonexistent. We try to act like we’re okay with it but we are secretly longing for much more. At least, that was my experience.

I was in a situationship for a good portion of my young life. When started college, I was over boys and very much into partying with my friends and maintaining a 3.5 GPA. A relationship was the last thing that I wanted at that time but then I met a guy and it was buh bye single life, hello situationship.

Fast forward to now, that chapter is completely closed. I was able to leave this one-sided relationship and feel like a greater woman because of it. It was definitely a great learning experience as to what I will and will not deal with in an actual relationship.

Here’s what I wish my friends had told me. 

Labels absolutely DO matter. 

When you’re seriously involved with someone who you see yourself with long term, you will let the world know that. I’m not saying your boyfriend needs to blast you all over his social media but weird run-ins with your partner’s homies where you’re introduced as the friend aren’t ok. If you two go together, he needs to claim you.

You situationship will probably never be a relationship.

I can only speak from my experience as a woman in a situationship but don’t fool yourself. Chances are the dude that you’re in a situationship with is in it because he’ll receive all of the benefits of a relationship without the commitment. If you’re okay with it then that’s fine but, don’t go into it wishfully thinking it will turn into something serious. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free, right?

You aren’t his only situationship.

Men and women don’t tackle this situationship thing the same. 90% of the time when a man isn’t “ready for a relationship” but wants to be in a situation with you to “see how things go,” he just wants to swim with the many fishes that are in the sea. His many situations and player like lifestyle is probably stopping him from being fully committed to any one woman. He is most likely out sampling “free milk.”  Don’t avoid that lady instinct that you have been blessed with.

Let you situationship be a situationship.

As women we are nurturers and sometimes we can’t control what we are willing to do for others that we like or love or in this case situate. In the event that you decide to be in a situationship, there are no obligations, commitments, responsibilities or guarantees… NONE. You don’t have to do the most for someone who isn’t even willing to fully commit to you. It’s totally up to you if you want to play house during the course of your situation-ship but if you choose not to, he ain’t your man so he can’t say a damn thing and vice versa.

Someone is bound to catch feelings.

Unfortunately, it’s usually the woman. I have yet to find people who are sexually involved and neither of the two people catch feelings. I don’t mean both people saying they haven’t caught any feelings when it’s obvious that one person did but I mean actually not catching any feelings what so ever.  A sexual connection will inevitably play on ones emotions.

Play safely in your situationship.

That means use protection. Considering he is not your boyfriend or husband and may be doing all sorts of nasty things with lord knows who, you need to make sure your sexual encounters are safe and clean. Also, if y’all couldn’t commit to a relationship with one another, I’m almost sure committing to being parents isn’t quite up you guy’s alley either.

I’m sure every situationship isn’t created equally but that is just my take on them from my own personal experience.

What have been some things that you all experienced in a situationship? (Both good and bad). Would you do it again?

Author: Jimmika Robinson

  • Olyvia

    Situationships are awkward, but honestly i don’t mind them too much as long as there is communication. If we speak about my feelings and he wants more time for the relationship to develop i’m okay with that. If he’s dodgey and weird about my feelings or sees no future then you just have to break things off. I’m not huge on labels personally but it definitely makes things more clear after a certain point. I enjoyed reading your perspective! I hope no more situationships come your way lol.

  • Crystyle Caviness

    Every one of your points is spot-on. Great hearing it from someone else’s perspective.

  • Torishalea

    This was a good read and very relatable to if not all, then most women… Funny how we are blinded in our own situations but would give the same advice to our friends in a heartbeat !

  • Diva

    This is very interesting because I was in one of these almost 8 years ago. At first when he told me he didn’t want anything serious, I was okay with it, because I didn’t want to rush anything or force anything. But I knew how I was; I am a relationship person. I tried it his way for a while, and this is not to say he treated me badly because he didn’t: we went on dates, I was always welcome at his place, and he would even give me the key to his place sometimes because he wanted me to be there when he got off work. But every now an then he would go out of his way to remind me that we were not a couple, so I would pull back & not be so available. Then he would try to accuse me of “wanting more” even though I never mentioned it or asked for it (he had some things about him that just weren’t boyfriend material to me). After a few months I just gave up and moved on. Of course he tried to get me back, but I didn’t have the patience for all the back and forth. I think my lack of patience helped spare me from multiple “situationships” because 2 years later when I met another guy who said he, “didn’t want to be in a relationship” I ran for the hills. I wasn’t going through that again.
    To me, labels determine what the rules are, and if there are no rules then people can just do whatever they want without any responsibility (which is fine if you are okay with that), but I feel like if you find yourself catching feelings, it’s best to address them head on. If you don’t get the response you are looking for, then MOVE ON.